Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His nipple licking is glorious
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