guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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