If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
