I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so let's talk penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
