Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize