help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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