Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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