I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
