I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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