UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
