Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I looked at my own cervix.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
