We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
And then he peed in my hair
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