I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
