I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
