Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
