Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
