We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
