Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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