anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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