I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
