also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
