She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
