I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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