apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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