oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
