Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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