I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
