guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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