What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
