I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
birth control should be required to get into college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
