Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
