finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
