It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
