Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
