I got chris browned last night
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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