im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
