just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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