Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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