I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize