You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
