I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize