She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
