my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
