How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
