I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
