My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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