I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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