I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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