Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
