Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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