just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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