I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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