the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
