I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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