I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
