When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
