think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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