what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
