just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
