If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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