either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
