I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dignity is for republicans.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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